But… what how could I possibly contribute any good to what’s happening? Intervening will just end up hurting the both us more… What could I possibly do? Nothing.
Thomas looked on, the feeling of helplessness washing over him as he watched. Every punch, every insult, every hurtful word that shot from the white man's lips beat endlessly at Eli’s and every other colored person’s dignity. As the meaningless persecution steadily persisted for what seemed like hours, every part of Thomas yearned to help his friend… Regardless, the logical part of his brain held him back. All he could do was watch as the white men pummeled Eli, tearing him down physically, mentally and emotionally.
Thomas drew his gaze down finally. The crowd around him dispersed.
The torture was over. The two white men left with bruised knuckles, dirtied shoes, and spit on the ground by Eli’s feet. Yet Eli, poor Eli, was on the floor, limp and broken. Thomas, safe and unharmed, struggled to find the courage to face him, the man who seemed so empty. With a shaky breath, Eli struggled to rise to his feet, his limbs trembling and dried tears staining his cheeks. That got Thomas, whose feet automatically dragged him to his friend.
“Eli. Eli! Doing ok? Come on, let’s go get you some hel--!”
“You just stood there. And watched.”
“I’m sorry, Eli. I had no other choice!”
“...Did you really?”
“Yes, Eli. Believe me!”
“You-- You could’ve saved me. Why didn’t you?”
“I… I could’ve gotten us both killed!”
Thomas reached out a hand but Eli flinched back. His eyes held something so different, so broken it tore Thomas’ heart in two, overwhelming guilt just oozing from him. Staring adamantly at the dusty floor, Thomas feared that his eyes would betray his thoughts.
I didn’t want to get in trouble…
I didn’t want to lose my job…
I didn’t want to get hurt…
I didn’t want to…
Quickly glancing at Eli, he found that Eli saw it. He saw it so clearly in Thomas’ eyes. And, as if he wasn’t just beaten half to death, he got up and stiffly brushed himself off. Thomas went to follow him, stomach twisting. This is the end.
“I… I’m sorry, Eli.”
Eli’s lips formed a hard line and he shoved past Thomas’ shoulder. I ruined everything.
“I’m sorry, too, Thomas.”
Thomas watched Eli’s pathetic, yet determined form as he walked away and wailed into the emptiness of the streets. No one came back for him, he just lost his only friend. What is wrong with me?